


Heaven was a place on Earth

by moonqueerdom



Series: Love you like a love song [2]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andreil, Angst, I cried like shit writing this, I'm really sorry, I'm sorry again, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Love Letters, M/M, Memories, Pride, Songfic, Trans Neil Josten, Why Did I Write This?, crime of hate (unfortunately), it's painful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:01:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25750252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonqueerdom/pseuds/moonqueerdom
Summary: It's better than I ever even knewThey say that the world was built for twoOnly worth living if somebodyIs loving youBaby, now you do~A letter from Neil Josten to his lover, Andrew Minyard.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Series: Love you like a love song [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1867900
Comments: 19
Kudos: 66





	Heaven was a place on Earth

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I need to say a few words before we go ahead with this.
> 
> First of all, _I am sorry._ I really am. I have no idea where it all came from, but one day I just sat on the chair, turned on my notebook and that's what came out. I swear, it was just like that. The words were bigger than me, and I had no choice but to let them out. I cried a lot during writing (I'm very sensitive lol) and it was hard, it really was. But I liked the final result so I thought, "why not post it?"
> 
> Second, I swear I'm not an evil author (as I said, and I quote here, "I'm very sensitive lol". Not even if I wanted very hard I would be able to write content like that often). You can check out my other works and see this for yourself.
> 
> Third, while writing this fanfic I was listening to the song [Video Games](https://youtu.be/1wEVjlVlM18) — among many others — so it kind of ended up becoming a songfic, since I used this song as a basis and even inserted some lines throughout the narrative.
> 
> Last but not least, let me know if you find any errors or notice that I forgot to mention any possible TW.
> 
> Anyway, I think that's it for now, check the end notes for more. Sorry again and let's move on.
> 
> _(trigger warnings you need to know: main character killed by hate crime, mention of homophobia, mention of violence, main character suffering for the dead loved one)_

* * *

_ My dear one and only love, _

_ (You would probably kill me for writing something so sweet for you, but I just can't help it.) _

I'm afraid that I might be dying.

Not that this is a bad thing, because, in the end, the only thing we can be sure of in life is that it is ephemeral — I have seen it myself too many times to forget — but there is one thing I thought I needed to do while I still have time.

You probably don't know what day it is today, so let me have the honor of telling you. Today is Friday, exactly June 26, 2015. Now, that date may not mean anything to you, but wait until you know what it means. I'm sure you will love it, my love.

_ “No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization's oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.” _

This quote marks The U.S. Supreme Court's decision to legalize same-sex marriages in all fifty states across the country. Can you believe that? We made it, we finally made it. And two days from now, on the 28th of June, it will be LGBTQIA + pride day — yes! We have a name now, one that was not meant to hurt us — as in all the years since Stonewall's rebellion. Sounds amazing, doesn't it?

How I wish you were here now, dear Andrew.

And that's why I can't stop thinking about you, all the time.

I remember the old days when I was swinging in our backyard and you arrived with that car you loved so much, whistling my name, opening a beer, and calling me to play our game. You would always say that I was wearing your favorite summer outfit, even though every day I was wearing something different. And as much as I loved your compliments, it was even more interesting to undress for your eyes and enjoy the ever so soft touch of your fingers that made every bit of my body fall apart. And then I would lean in to wait for your kiss, and since you were always a soft-hearted man, underneath all the layers that you made a point of putting for everyone — but not for me —, you would give me it. After, your body would smell like that perfume of mine that is your favorite.

That was our game.

I miss you so much, my love. It is physically painful and expansive enough that I always think it will get out of my body and take shape.

How I wish. For it to get out of my body, I mean.

For years I have heard about how age can languish in human beings, and for years I have hoped this would happen to me. 

If I ever woke up and couldn't remember anything, or if I still imagined you by my side every day, it would be a lie that I could take. It would be a less painful lie than the truth, of course, it would be.

All the beats of my heart are still for you. Everything I do is for you. And, oh, how Heaven was a place on Earth with you. They say that the world was built for two, only worth living if somebody is loving you.

Baby, you do. You always did. I always loved you.

Your face is stamped on my dearest dreams. Andrew is still the name I call when I wake up from a nightmare.

I see us singing in old bars, swinging with the old stars, living for the fame, kissing in the dark blue of the sky beneath us and playing pool and wild darts. I still feel you holding me in your big arms, drunk and I am seeing stars. This is all I think of.

It has been too hard, I thought I had already experienced the worst pain possible, but I was so wrong.

You would love to visit the Castro District nowadays. That's what I try to think about whenever I'm walking those streets, not that in  _ that _ dark alley on a hot May night you agonized to death while being burned by lighters and assaulted by knives. Sometimes when it's getting dark and I'm sitting alone at the dinner table of our house, my chest still tightens in the same way that it did when I felt something was wrong that day, because you never took so much time to get home.

I felt the world leave my feet since that day. 

Few things make sense without you.

And just a month after your death was the date of the Stonewall Rebellion. You would have collected all your things and run as quickly as possible to participate, wouldn't you? Because this is the man I know and love, love and will always love. You are so brave, Andrew.

I'm so sorry, my love. If I could trade places with you, you would be here now to see all of this, I swear you would be. But that is not possible, is it? Unfortunately not.

That's why it's you, it's you, it's all for you. Everything I do is for you. I know that all these years of life that I was presented with had to have a reason, so I used each one of them, I did.

Until the day I could and my health allowed me, I participated in protests, parades, discussions, and everything else I could. The world knows us, I told our story and now it is part of the growth and resistance of a community. You did it, my love, and I am so proud of you.

The night you died, you were trying to protect such a young couple of girls. They came to me, a week after that day. Maryl and Lizien, those are their names. Anyway, they came to our house, cried, and asked for forgiveness while telling me what had truly happened, and all I managed to do was smile. Yes, you did not read it wrong. I smiled. In every little thing, they said I saw you, taking care of them, taking risks for them, and always fighting. Honestly, my dear, even if you had to die of old age as I certainly will, I have no doubt that you would look for a reason to fight with death and make things more exciting. This is such an Andrew Minyard thing.

I still keep in touch with Maryl and Lizien, you know? They had a long life together — still do, in fact — and built a family. Fortunately, I was able to keep up with this whole process. I was the “fun uncle Neil” and then the “fun great uncle Neil” of all those children. They all remind me of you. I see you in every pair of eyes in this family.

That's not all, Andrew, do you know what else happened? You'll be so proud of me, look at this: I'm transgender.

I know, I know... It may not be a surprise to you, but now I know with all the letters that it exists and that I am not the only one.

The day I found out about it, I made dinner, put two glasses of your favorite whiskey, and sat in the passenger seat of your car. I smiled through tears as I thought of all the times you put me on your lap and assured me that I wasn't crazy. You were the first one to accept me before we even knew what it was all about. You always said that I was  _ the man of your life _ .

I love you so much, you know?

I can remember everything vividly. Our first kiss, hidden in the forest behind the city church; The first time we made love, and we were so nervous it was a disaster, but it couldn't have been better; The day we bought our house and you held me in your arms as we ran across the yard; The day I knew I was in love...

I never told you that story, did I?

Well, it's quite simple, actually. Do you know that little thing about rubbing your nose when you were lying? That was lovely, and you always did it when you said you hated me. Although I only found out what it meant after a while, I already admired the gesture from the first moment. It was only a matter of time before it hit me and I understood what that worship meant.

I see it all playing like a movie in my mind, and sometimes, if I close them very hard, I can imagine that you are still alive with me, staying by my side after all these years. It would be 67 years since we met, and 65 since you officially became my partner. We would have created new stories over time, I can think of some very good ones.

You would love modern cars, they are monstrous and elegant, just the kind you liked. You would hate cell phones, they are definitely hellish devices. You would love the movies and the songs. You would hate sports. You would love me. I would love you back. We could get married.

Anyway, I just thought I should write this letter to you, my love. I needed to warn you that I don't have much time around here anymore, so wait for me there wherever you are, yes? It shouldn't take long, and when we see each other again I'll tell you everything else that has happened over the years.

I miss your face, your voice, your presence, and your affection so much.

Heaven was a place on earth with you, and I can't wait to feel it again.

When I finally die and find you, will you wait for me with open arms and ask your sweet "yes or no?" before you kiss me lovingly?

I hope so.

_ With love, your partner Neil Minyard-Josten. _

* * *

"On the night of the fourteenth of July 2015, Neil Josten did not wake from his sleep. I, Darren Morales, Maryl and Lizien's second son, found him lying in his own bed while wearing a white suit and keeping a similar one rested in the space next to his side on the bed," he stopped to breathe and tried to chase away the burning sensation in his chest. "There were flowers all over the room and a letter envelope resting on the nightstand addressed to Andrew Minyard-Josten. The coroner said Neil had a severe allergic attack because of the flowers during the night, and with no one in the house to help him, he alone was not able to resist. "

Darren looked around the room. He saw his mothers, hugging each other while crying as he had never seen them do before. His whole family was crying. The pain they were feeling now was immeasurable.

"Neil Josten lived for 83 years, of which only 21 were with the man he loved. Andrew Minyard was murdered at the age of 38 while trying to protect my mothers from the men who became his killers," Darren felt his throat start to scratch. "Neil had no other family because everyone else died before him, so I was here today to tell the story of the strongest and most persevering man that we were pleased to welcome into our family and his love, which was the bravest and honorable man that I never had a chance to meet. Their names deserve to be said and remembered. Thank you all so much."

Darren was greeted by a few applauses and several shouts of support from the crowd. Many people were crying and he finally allowed himself to do the same.

They were at a restaurant in Castro District, and Darren asked the owner of the establishment for a moment to speak. Somehow, he could feel Neil and Andrew in every word that left his mouth. Just like that, Neil and Andrew together.

That was the only thing keeping him from being completely miserable.

Darren truly believed that somehow they would finally get together and have peace after all these years.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I think that's it, isn't it? The day I was writing this, I was feeling proud in a kind of melancholy way, so that was it.
> 
> I feel like my beta reader — hey [Gab](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gabtoledo/profile) — may be a little mad with me now for taking her by surprise with all of this, but I hope I can compensate her (and you) with the next things I'm writing.
> 
> Thank you for reading, be proud and don't forget that authors love kudos and comments. You can always find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/moonqueerdom) or [tumblr](https://thewickeddevil.tumblr.com/) and you can [buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/moon020310) if you want and help support me


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